Women used to say that to me often

As soon as I took my shirt off she said, “This isn’t going to work.”

I had made an appointment to see my cardiologist since I realized I hadn’t seen him in 2 years (I had the rather reasonable expectation that they would call me for a check in! My doctor was surprised to hear that they kept refilling my meds without an appointment) and my heart was acting up a wee bit so I thought I should pop in and make sure I wasn’t dying (well, any more than at the expected rate).

An ECG is a pretty standard part of a cardiologist visit, and the doctor doesn’t do them because they’re too busy or something. This is how I found myself topless in a very small examination room with a doubting nurse.

You see, in order to make the ECG happy the electrodes have to be in firm contact with skin. If you’ve never seen me shirtless you may be surprised to learn that I am a very hirsute fellow. Very hirsute. One look at me and that nurse started searching for her razor.

She explained to me that she’d give it a shot but they may have to shave me. She also said, “They don’t let me shave people so I’d have to find someone else to do it.”

I didn’t ask why they don’t let her shave people because I’m sure the reality would be disappointing. But the possible reasons? So entertaining.

Luckily for me, and the random person assigned to shave patients for Sharon Scissorhands, the nurse was able to, with the usage of a lot of tape, make the ECG contacts happy.

I could tell she was a pro because she said, “Sorry” seconds before ripping the contacts off of my chest (making it slightly less hairy in the process).

Oh, and the ECG was fine.

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