Yesterday was full of fatherly firsts for me. I have left off the names of the babies involved to protect the innocent (and their eventual teenaged egos); here is the anonymized list:


  • I grabbed, with my hand, a giant booger that was flickering in and out from a tiny nostril with each baby breath.
  • I changed the diaper of a baby who I thought was finished pooping. Reader, that baby wasn't finished pooping. But now the changing matt has been cleaned.
  • I caught a not insignificant amount of spitup with my hand to avoid having to change a baby yet again. If a new father ever turns to me seeking parenting wisdom I will tell them, "no matter how gross something is just remember it is very easy to wash your hands."

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