Hug and release, people!

wlvr_scotty_and_chris_b&w_small.jpgWhilst I was in college Chris, a good friend and housemate at the time, was seeing a girl who he met because she listened to our radio show (long story). She was a very nice girl, but she didn’t follow ‘Scott’s Rules of Hugging.’ If I have known you for awhile you can feel free to hug me with impunity. However, if I haven’t known you long and you insist on hugging me you MUST hug and release. A quick hug and then we both go our separate ways. Is that so wrong?

Well, Wendy wouldn’t have any of it. She would back me into a corner and hug me uncomfortably long. Perhaps my first misstep was sharing with her my rules of hugging (which I just shared with you all, so no doubt someone who reads this is going to try and hug me for a little TOO long).

Wendy also, incidentally, took the picture that graces this post.

Anyway, it looks like I am going to have to evade more and more hug since hugs are the new handshakes:

Men accustomed to the automatic and dependable hand clasp accompanied with a brisk up-and-down pump at dinner parties and college reunions, now must preface their greetings or goodbyes with intricate and split-second calculations based on body language, length of friendship and other factors.
Do I shake or do I hug?
Making the right choice matters. If one guy goes for the hug, but the other decides upon a handshake, they might collide. An excruciating dance will follow, as the poor lads work feverishly to determine what to do with their hands, their arms, their bodies.

Life just got a little more complicated. Can’t we all just stand at a respectful distance and nod to one another? Would that be too difficult?

14 responses to “Hug and release, people!”

  1. Does no one respect personal space anymore? 6 FEET PEOPLE!!! Back up!!! I am not a hugger. *shudders* I don’t like people indaving my space. I’m with you on the whole nodding thing.

  2. This reminds me of the airplpane pickup Seinfeld. Jerry and George discuss all the options: hand-sandwich; close-chest-far-hips hug and others. I like me a nice handshake. I hate it when the other hand shaker pre-empts the “grip” part and grabs my fingers and not at the thumb/palm. Hate that. And I also hate the overly firm “I AM A MANLY MAN” hand shake.

  3. Man, that Wendy was a phycho!
    Remember that time she made out with Korpics after Chris dumped her just to try to make him (Chris) jealous?

  4. I meant “psycho,” not “phycho,” though she very well may be one of those as well!

  5. Oh, indeed. She kept calling me on Thad’s phone for a little while. She met me like once and she wanted to be my pal (so, of course, she could keep an inside track on Chris). Needless to say, I was not interested.
    My most vivid memory of her was on the porch on Warren Sq. She kept smacking Kevin on the stomach and shouting “Cherry Belly!” while giggling like a schoolgirl.
    Chris, this girl was a nutbar.
    That’s an awesome picture, though.
    And I’m with Scott on hugging. If I know you, okay, but if I met you today, don’t hug me when I leave. Smile and wave from several feet away.

  6. I propose substituting the fist bump for the “barely-know-you” hug.
    (Chris didn’t look so happy to have that photo taken.)

  7. (Chris didn’t look so happy to have that photo taken.)
    Naaah, Chris always looked like that! Ahh, just joking. (<sly homer simpson>Or am I?</sly homer simpson>)
    BTW, for those non-LU folks following along, that is a different Thad that Jill refers to, not me. Certainly, I don’t recall Wendy having ever used my phone!

  8. What were the Thad nicknames? Each one of you had a prefix in freshman year. I remember visiting and refusing to call either one of you by your nickname, but I forget why.
    I do remember calling one of you guys Thad and the other Tall Thad though.

  9. I was often referred to as “wacky Thad”. Which is a pretty apt description. I definitely wasn’t “tall Thad”!

  10. Okay, Fratboy “A,” where do you get off calling me psycho?!?! Give me your address! I want to come to your house and follow you everywhere you go with a scary disturbed look on my face! Nobody calls me psycho! The voices said so!

  11. Am I crazy, or does this Chris guy have a Tom Green thang happening there? He looks very Tom Greenish to me. Has he ever sucked the teat of a cow?

  12. Patricia, that isn’t your imagination. They must me long-lost identical twins or something. First time I saw Tom Green on TV, I thought, what the heck is Chris doing on TV!
    As for the cow teat thing… well… Chris did grow up in a pretty rural area… ๐Ÿ˜‰

  13. Hey, what’s all this commotion and talking behind my back….. i miss the blog for a couple weeks and I get all these comments about me…
    Psycho is relative, I’m hard to resist, and even harder to give up ๐Ÿ™‚ Just ask Scotty, he’s still going through withdrawl.
    No, I’ve never heard the Tom Green thing before ๐Ÿ˜‰
    Never done the teat thing (at least with anyone else around)

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