Fan emails

Well I was working on this entry and my browser crashed! How sad!

Most of it was about this email that I found in my inbox this afternoon. As you all know, only people I know and the occasional surfer read this here diary. So I never expect other people to read this, and I write accordingly. Nor did I ever expect to have “fans.” but apparently I have found myself a fan! At least that is what the email said.

This is technically my second piece of fan email. The first one doesn’t count though, because it was just a “I read your diary, email me” kinda thing. Needless to say I not respond to that email (I am a bastard). The most recent email I have received was different. It was pretty, witty, and gay. But most of all it complimented me on my writing “talent.” The email names me as one of the best writers on diaryland, but when you take a moment to look around here you realize how high a compliment that is.

My dilemma? Besides spelling dilemma? To respond or not to respond? I will respond, mostly because this person will be one of the only people reading this that I DON’T know. And that makes me feel tingly.

So I am watching the Emmies on the television. Celebrities seem to take every chance they can get to give each other awards. I am waiting for the moment when a dazed and confused Jenna Elfman (is there another variety?) walks up to me on the streets of New York and hands me a gold plated statuette.

I have a speech prepared in case it does happen. Would you like to hear it? I knew you would!

Jenna: “The winner is” rips the envelope open “Scott McNulty!”

Announcer Guy: “This is Scott’s first nomination and his first win.”

Scott: “I’m shocked. I had no idea this award existed, let alone I was nominated for it. (to Jenna) What is this award called?”

Jenna: Blank Stare

Scott: “Anyway, I just want to make sure I don’t forget anyone. There are some many people that made this mid-afternoon possible. Where to begin? OH GOD! WHAT CRUEL FATE! WHERE TO BEGIN? Well I need to thank Jenna Elfman, Mary Tyler Moore (she knows why), Linus Salk, POLIO! WOO! Umm.. I know there are more people. So many people, over a billion in China alone! I like chinese, they only come up to your knees. I have to thank Canada. They have always been up north whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on, or a pal to get drunk with, aye. And last but not least I need to thank Thomas the Tank Engine. I know I have made him very cross a few times, but I like to think of myself as the track he rides. But not in a homosexual way. Not that there is anything wrong with that, he is just not my type of personified inanimate object. Now, the Brave Little Toaster, he is hot (pun not intended). Thanks, and peace in the Middle East!”

Scott exits sidewalk left.

It could happen. All it takes is a dollar and LSD.

Jack Palance (I am trying to make that the newest way to say goodbye. Think it’ll catch on?)

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