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July 2000
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August 2000

Who needs paragraphs?

So I have been a busy boy for the last two weeks! I have been going to conferences and vacationing with a lovely lady. And I have to go back to work tomorrow. How sad! But I suppose it could be worse, the whole office is going on a retreat, and then of course next Monday is Labor Day so that is good. What did I do in the last two weeks? I went to an Alumni Relations Conference in Williamstown, MA. What is in Williamstown? Williams College, and that is about it! The town is in the Berkshires, so it is surrounded by mountains, and it is very picturesque. The mountains also block cell phone signals, and I know that was not a good thing for some people. People were going all over the place, twirling around. peering at their cell phones.. trying to find a signal so they can check their voice mail and see what was going on in the office. I didn't check in with the office all that much. They can handle most things without me. I have faith! 5 days with people who are paid to chit chat! What an experience. No "me time." As Alumni Relations professionals we are employed to make sure that everyone is having a good time, and talk to people. So the first session that we had to go to, the guy in charge said, stand up and introduce yourself to some people around you. Now, usually it would take a few seconds for people to do that, but in no time everyone was on their feet with their hand out saying, "I'm so and so from blanky poo college." The roar of people small talking was deafening. It was also kinda neat. I met some nice people and I got a bunch of business cards, so that is cool! After that I went back to work for Thursday and Friday. Nothing too exciting happened there.. and then on Friday Elisa came! Yay! Last week was my vacation, and I spent it with Elisa. We had oodles of fun/ We saw They Might Be Giants for a buck each! They was very cool. And then we went to Windam, NY and sent 3 nights and 4 days at a lovely B & B. More mountains, the Catskills this time, and it was wonderful! Very relaxing, only was didn't get to sleep in because we felt obligated to have breakfast every morning. But the food was GREAT, as was the company.. so it is all good! Then we came back to Yonkers, on Thursday and just hang out... and on Friday my new computer came! That is right, I ordered one of those new Apple cubes, and it is the coolest thing ever! I like it a lot.. I am on it right now. It just LOOKS like something from the future! Elisa went back to Lehigh today :( So I am just here all alone playing with my cube. Email me!!!


Yet another nun

I saw yet another nun yesterday. On the subway no less! This is getting to be a habit. At least this nun was not a mean nun. She was your stereotypical hippie nun. She had the guitar, and the cross hung on hemp around her neck. I almost tossed her a dollar and said, "Sing Nun Woman, sing for me like you have never sung before!" But I got on the subway train and sat down instead.

What else is going on? Well I got my train tickets for my trip this weekend! I am going to an Alumni Relations Conference in MA from Sat. until Wed. Yes, there really are Alumni Relations Conferences, I was as shocked as you are when I found out.

So that will be cool.. and the best part is I can wear shorts the whole time. Many of you may not know this, but my ultimate career goal is to get a job where I can wear shorts all the time. Not much, but it is a living.

Also, I am going on vacation the week after next! So next week I am out until Thursday and then BAM! I am on vacation. We are having a meeting tomorrow so that we can assign people to do what I do while I am gone (what a horrible sentence!). Bottom line, I have to pretend like I do something at work!

Oh, I kid! I do many things, all of which are very very important.

I like my job, but it is quite different from what they told me it would be! They told me I would be an events planner, which I am to an extant.. but they are transforming me into a techie! I am learning how to use Dreamweaver, and I will soon be taking Cold Fusion classes, and the people at work would love for me to be an Access 97 wizard.

Exit.


Goodbye, tooth

This weekend was chock full of nothing too exciting. For all of you following my manic caperings, I did go to the dentist on Friday where a tooth was forcefully removed from my skull.

I went there at 4:30 to be subjected to another barrage of radiation! This time my entire head was fitted into this contraction that raises or lowers to adjust to people of different heights.

Now, I am not what you would call a small man, and the woman who was operating this machine must have thought I was some kind of giant because she raised the machine as far as it could go, with my head in it mind you. I was dangling by my head 4 inches off the ground and the woman asked if I was "comfortable." Since I had to bite down on a piece of plastic I could not answer but I think my general flaying about was answer enough and she lowered the machine a smidge.

She then put a lead apron on me and ran out of the room (this is getting to be a bit of a theme on my diary here, remember kids, Women and lead do not mix).

Anywho, the x-rays were done and I got to meet the oral surgeon, who looked more like a bit player from the Sopranos.

Vinnie, the oral surgeon, told me he heard I wanted one of my teeth "wacked" and did I know how much this "hit" would cost me.

After some talking we agreed on a price and he shot me full of the knock out juice, all the while explaining what could go wrong. He waited to explain all this AFTER I had signed the waver saying if anything went wrong it was my fault.

It all went well and now I am one tooth lighter. I suppose that is a good thing.

On that very same evening I went to the Wiz and purchased a cable modem. When shopping for computer equipment I always enjoy confusing the salespeople. I have a Mac, and so when the sales dude asked me whether I had Windows 95 or 98, I said I had OS 8.6 He had no idea what I was talking about. I said, "I have a Mac." His fogged eyes cleared and he uttered, "Oh." and proceeded to finalize my purchase.

I got my cable modem in my hot little hands, and I took it home and set it up! Ready to cruise the internet and download all the por... I mean pictures of puppies, that I could handle! But alas, the cable signal is too weak in my room and I need to wait until Wednesday when the Cable men will knock on my door and fix all my problems for me. Talk about a full service company!

Today I spent amongst the hustle and bustle of one of the oddest stores I have ever had the opportunity to shop in. Of course, I am speaking of Ikea, that Swedish import that boggles the mind. All of the furniture is slightly "odd" in one way or another. It is requires "some assembly" and an open mind. I am not sure if I like that store or not.

My verdict, and many many other things, on the next installment of "This So Called Scott."

Fin


Hello, Dentist

After months of nagging, I finally caved into Elisa's demands and went to the dentist.

What fun!

I got there, filled out my paper work, and then sat in the chair. A nice lady came in and put a lead apron on me and took 18 x-rays of my teeth! She then shut off the lights and we read by the unearthly glow of my irradiated skull.

After that the Dentist came in and cleaned my teeth for me. She was very nice, and I was sorry I ate 4 onions and 2 bags of Oreos before I went to her office.

Away she had both her hands in my mouth and wanted to chit chat with me.

Dentist: "How about this weather?"

Scott: "Arrwayah Rarf"

Dentist: "It is hot, spit."

Scott: Spits "Sorry about your shoes!"

So she was poking around in my mouth there, with her metal poker, and she rips open my gums! Blood shoots out of my mouth and hits the ceiling. Her reaction?

"I got a little over zealous. I forgot you aren't sedated."

Thanks, Doctor! Sheesh!

So the Dentist tells me I need to get a tooth jerked out of my skull before a supernova of pain erupts in my mouth. I have an appointment for this Friday at 4:30pm.

A little oral extraction is the best way to start off a weekend, don't you agree?

Class dismissed.


More readers for me

What is up, my peeps?

I have no idea what that means.

Not much is going on here. I am writing in here because my evil plan has worked! At least 3 people who I emailed about this here website are checking it on a regular basis. I hate to disappoint my public by not updating at least 3 times a week!

And you never know, maybe someone I DON'T know might read this, love the way I write and offer me a wonderful job working for a humor magazine.

The only problem I see with that, is the complete lack of humor magazines out there. Maybe I should start writing about my erotic adventures in Yonkers, and that way I could get hired by Penthouse to write those letters that "readers" submit.

Not that I have ever read an issue of Penthouse. Is there a magazine named Penthouse? I may have just made that up, or maybe it is something I heard in one of them picture shows the kids like so much.

Speaking of pictures, I have cable! Yippee! More options. More clicking. More crap! There really is very little on television.

I did not have any run-ins with clergy today. You know, clergy are like IHOPs, you never think you are going to see one, but then one day you are driving down the highway at 1:30am, and you have a craving for pancakes and coffee, and there on the side of the road, as big as life, there is a priest, in his little priest outfit, doing his priest thing.

On second thought, priests and IHOPs have nothing in common.

I am outie, yo.


Nun on a subway

I saw a nun on the subway platform the other day. She was getting off one train and rushing across the platform to catch another train. ... when the doors shut right in front of her little nun face! She smiled this odd little smile.

Now I don't speak nun, but I KNEW she was mentally cursing up a blue streak. I hope she went to confession.

The morale of the story? If a nun smiles at you, punch her in the face. You don't need to take crap from anyone!

Switching subjects, I went to see Elisa over the weekend. And we had a good time, but there were rough patches. However, the good out weighed the bad, as it always does with Elisa and we had a great time!

We just spent the weekend hanging out. Just chillin' as the kids say.

Work is ok.. I am not very motivated to do much at work. That is why I am glad my vacation is coming up soon! What am I doing on my vacation? I am open to suggestion. I am planning to explore the wonder that is the Empire State with my lovely lady at my side!

Over and out.